Having Strength.

So today is the beloved St Patrick’s Day, which for some reason (alcohol driven reason) the British love to celebrate more than St Georges Day. Everyone has a jolly old time, drinks too much Guinness and gets absolutely smashed. So today, a couple of my best friends asked me if I wanted to go to the pubs with them to drink; and I said no.

What a bloody achievement it is for me to turn down going out to drink, but more so the fact that I am not upset about it. I had a lovely day out with my family, and didn’t feel the need to go out and get drunk. The sheer strength that this has shown demonstrates how much being at home really has helped me, as if I was in the City this would be a completely different story.

Before the decision was made for me to come home, the events that led up to it started out the exact same as how tonight would’ve gone. I was going insane with boredom, of being always stuck inside doing uni work, and then being stuck inside all night alone. You see me and my thoughts do not get on so well, so when I’m stuck at home at night on my own I really do struggle to fight them (and the fight the self harm that comes along with them). So to spare me of that torture for a few hours, I decided to go to pub for a few drinks with a couple of my friends.

After a few pints, I was feeling a bit tipsy – it had actually been a while since I’d had a drink (reasons why you are soon to find out). We were having a laugh, and it was actually fun. Right up until one of my mates sent me a link to an event that same night – and that was that. All I ever need is the slightest of excuses / invitation, and that’s it; I’m off the rails. I am so weak minded when it comes down to these situations, and that is why I am so proud of my clear demonstration of strength today. I’m getting there. Nevertheless it does not change the fact that I know for a fact if I was back in the City, this would not be the case.

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