As mentioned in my previous post I am currently reading The Art of Happiness and within Chapter three the discussion of mind manipulation is the topic and its sparked many of emotions. I was having trouble with the notion of irradiating negative emotions, as he states that “negative emotions and behaviours are harmful… these negative emotions are not only very bad and harmful to one personality but harmful to society”. I fully understand this point of view, that hatred does more harm than good, however for someone like me who has been subject to abuse I can not irradiate that hatred towards the persecutor, and I don’t accept that not feeling negative towards him would be more positive, it would make me feel more sickened. So I think that this way of life works with the every day, but for certain situations there must be an acceptation for some negative feelings. One can get past what happened, and learn to move past it but I do not think you can think positively about it. The only way to put a positive spin on it would be to say that it has ultimately made you a much stronger person. Thus I believe this is something I could definitely live by, and ultimately I do think I will reach the goal of happiness, but there is no denying that there will always be a negative emotion associated to my abuse.
However, further into this chapter there is something I have chosen to focus on, and that is making sure you get the most out of your day and not wasting it. When I was laying around feeling sorry for myself after a night out the night before I read this passage and was kicking up the bum to get up and do something:
As time goes on, you can make positive changes. Every day as soon as you get up, you can develop a sincere positive motivation, thinking “I will utilize this day in a more positive way. I should not waste this very day in a more positive way. I should not waste this very day”.
As soon as I finished reading that I thought right Emma, get yourself into gear and do something. It doesn’t have to be enough, just enough to feel like you have not wasted your day. One of the key side effects of depression is lack of motivation, and this is the most perfect way to ensure you do not fall into a dark depressive episode. So what I have started today is a diary of my daily achievements, after I do something which I feel like is a way of positively utilizing my day, then I write it down. For example, today I published and drafted this blog post, applied for an apprenticeship, and listed some items up on my depop shop. It’s a simple thing, but it really does ensure that you are doing something and keeping on the right track.