Guess who’s back.

Horray, I am back! Back too the real world after spending a month locked away slaving away on my dissertation which is finally submitted, horray! But I will tell you now I have had the month from hell, and not from the stress of the dissertation.

Last bank holiday is where it all went wrong, I went out with my gal pal for a night out but ended up with one of her so called ‘friends’, he was one of those people that peer pressures you into things, and is sorta forceful but you joke it off? I dunno, I thought to myself that he can’t be that bad if my best friend is friends with him?

So anyway the night goes on and we are ready to head out to the proper clubs, we are on our way and turns out he is on pub watch (does not surprise me) and somehow ended up manipulating me in the car to promising to stay with him if he doesn’t get in, manipulative son of a BITCH, but by this time I was proper wasted so i went along with it, my bestie didn’t say anything so that’s what happened.

We ended up going back to his for a sesh, a mad one as well got proper fucked up, and he kept encouraging me to buy him stuff, etc. but the worst is yet to come. When he had had enough of me being there because his other friends where now about and he would rather be with them, he made me get in a car with total strangers to take me back to my besties house. I had none of my stuff with me, I left it at his – but he had the CHEEK to say that I took everything with me, and that I must’ve lost it. At this point I started to breakdown, like PROPER because no one would believe me, and then I began to doubt myself. So I had to ring my mum to pick me up in tears because I thought I lost everything, so she saw me in a right state. But to no surprise, when my best mate went down to his house once he was home all my stuff was there safe and sound.

So all that stress for nothing, but lesson learned there for sure – never want too see that prick again, and I need to stop being such a nice a giving person to people who do not deserve it. SO I have been on pretty much house arrest as my mum keeps worrying sick, but she is finally cooling off now in time for me too go back to the city for a bit, thank god. I will keep you updated on my adventures, but for now, WOO I’M BACK.

Mindsets.

Something that I have been telling myself for a good few months now is that once I have handed in all my Uni work, and I am no longer a student I can sort myself out. Isn’t t it strange how much powerful your mindset is on how you treat yourself as a person? Like, students have certain stigmas: drink too much, party all the time, sleep in, etc. And when your a student, your mindset gets set into this format during freshers week, and that’s it – before you know it every little thing that happens to you in your life gets the reply: “It’s okay, I’m a Student”.

It is so unhealthy, but it’s the environment you live in that sucks you up and spits you out in your final year as your soul crushes into your dissertation. So the point that I am getting at is that at the minute, I have the excuse of being a student to fall back on as a mask for my self destructive nature. However, once that safety blanket is taking away from me, I will have no choice but to make a big change to how I think.

You see once that student label is taken away from you, the habits that you have picked up, and the destructive lifestyle you lead all of a sudden has a different light shone upon it. It is no longer ‘cool’ and ‘normal’, it’s woah, what are you doing with your life? So that is why I have put off counselling until after April, one because I do not need that extra stress right now, and two I think I will only be fully willing to change once this time comes around.

I am hoping and praying that this change in circumstance will really make me reevaluate the way I view my life. But for the time being I have to take it day by day, and try not to fuck up too much.